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i am the wordless; the inarticulate.

the low, guttural moan
of a dispirited, longing heart.
tired of these silent deliberations
these tacit accusations
tired of being alone.

i am the night breeze in early spring
howling softly through your eaves,
sighing dimly on peach-fine hairs
that i make stand on the nape of your neck.

i am unhere, and you like it that way.

i am but a whisper,
a faint trace of a word
left hanging on a child’s ear,
brushed subtly by ghost lips.

i am what happens every so oft in a man’s life;
i am the nights he decides to take up his pen
and let the slow, deliberate words borne in his mind              
be spoken onto paper

and nowhere else.
                                                           


i am the wordless; the inarticulate.

hear me roar
my silent, mournful roar.
©2005-2009 ~dreamscape-painter
:icondreamscape-painter:

Author's Comments

untitled til i think of a good one.

here is my heart. as always, tear me apart, if you must.

[EDIT] thought of one.
[/EDIT]

[EDIT2]thought of a better one.
[/EDIT2]

[EDIT3]decided I'm not above criticism and advice. made appropriate changes. hope you like.
[/EDIT3]

EDIT 4:
I'm not sure why, but this was in my scraps. Maybe just for editing, and I forgot to put it back as a deviation. Well, going through my scraps to edit things that needed it, I found this; and wondered why it was here. I like it. Maybe I'm just drunk. So fucking what. /EDIT 4

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconguccipiggy8:
That's actually pretty good. I loved the imagery. However there's this one teeny tiny thing, where you just drop the whole flow of the poem:

i am unhere.

and you like it that way.

I would just join those two to make a stanza. The pause is still noticeable, it's still dramatic, but you don't drop the flow. *shrugs* Just my opinion. A good read =)

--
My thoughts are misguided and a little naive
:icondreamscape-painter:
thanks for the input. i'll wait for other input and maybe i'll change it then. thanks for reading, though. ;)

--
Positive Affirmation: [link]
The Crown's Jewel :heart:
:iconlovetodeviate:
I think I agree with ~Guccipiggy8. Other than that, I think you're poem is just amazing! I know this sounds incredibly prejudiced, but after seeing that picture I didn't think you'd be any good. :) Sorry, I just sort of keep thinking that poets need to have a very spaced-out look about them. Or have really long beards, lol (if they're guys to be specific).

Interestingly enough, I found your poetry very, I don't know, manly(?). Yeah, I think that's the word. Sometimes when I read poetry and then find out the poet is a guy, I find it very surreal to believe. I hope none of this sounds too sexist. Perhaps it's the word 'guttural'. Not too many women would use that word.

I enjoyed this poem. Will check out the rest of your gallery soon.

--
Literature Gallery Moderator

For Writers: Resource Central: Part One | Resource Central: Part Two
:icondreamscape-painter:
Heh, I surprise myself, and know exactly what you mean. I never thought that I looked like who I felt like, you know? But that's enough sap for this manly man for one night... ^^;

Thanks, kid. I'll be sure to check out yours as well, once I've had some sleep, and mayhap a little redemption, too.

--
Positive Affirmation: [link]
The Crown's Jewel :heart:
:icondreamscape-painter:
In response to the concerns over the break in flow by those two lines, what do you guys think of this as an edited version?


i am the wordless; the inarticulate.
the low, guttural moan
of a dispirited, longing heart.
tired of these silent deliberations
these tacit accusations
tired of being alone.

i am the night breeze in the early spring
howling softly through your eaves
sighing dimly on the peach-fine hairs
that i make stand, on the nape of your neck.

i am but a whisper,
a faint trace of a word
left hanging on a child’s ear,
brushed subtly by ghost lips.

i am what happens every so oft in a man’s life;
i am the nights he decides to take up his pen
and let the slow, deliberate words
spoken in his mind
be borne onto paper.
(or are they borne in his mind,
and spoken onto paper?)

i am unhere, and you like it that way.

i am the wordless; the inarticulate.

hear me roar
my silent, mournful roar.


--
Positive Affirmation: [link]
The Crown's Jewel :heart:
:iconforbiddensnowflake:
I like it as it is, your imagery is nice and so are your descriptions (and this comment is crappy and unhelpful, sorry :()

--
Well I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
:icondreamscape-painter:
lol, it's quite alright, i appreciate you just taking the time. i really need to get back on top of my devWATCH, though, i've let it spin out of control. i currently have 464 devs waiting my perusal. :O_o: :faint:

--
Positive Affirmation: [link]
The Crown's Jewel :heart:
:iconlovetodeviate:
Ahem, kid? That will just not do. How old can you be anyway?

--
Literature Gallery Moderator

For Writers: Resource Central: Part One | Resource Central: Part Two
:icondreamscape-painter:
Ha ha, sorry. Just an affectionate term I tend to throw around. I'm much older than this damn body of mine, or at least I can be. ;)

--
Positive Affirmation: [link]
The Crown's Jewel :heart:

Details

April 5, 2005
1.4 KB
38.3 KB
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